Monday, October 8, 2012

The Ick Factor

I'm a parent. I can't believe I'm a mom of 2 1/2 children and the wife of a hunky husband. When did I become a grown up? Some may argue that I still haven't...

When you're a mom/ parent your days become filled with new kinds of laughter, frustrations and lack of bodily control...

Scenario 1: Keshlyn wanted a snack. She went to the pantry, climbed on the step stool and grabbed the bulk size peanut butter jar. She got herself a spoon and climbed up to the table to chow down. One spoonful of peanut butter after another filled her tummy with an afternoon snack. Of course she gets some on her fingers and face. She's 3. After snack time and her own attempt to wipe herself off (she did a pretty decent job) she ran by me and I noticed a little leftover on her cheek. I quickly grab her arm and swing her back around to me. (Mommy reflexes become lightning fast.) I did the only thing any mother would do- take my finger wipe it off her cheek ad lick my finger. I love peanut butter! Too bad it wasn't peanut butter. I noticed it had a slightly different texture. I smacked my lips a bit, deciphering the differences. Stickier. Slimy even. As I looked at my finger where I felt a little leftover, it became very clear that it was...snot. Yum. She apparently has listened to Daddy too often when he tells her just to wipe her nose with the back of her hand which then smears it across her face. Hmph. Men.

Scenario 2: Ky has a fascination with brushing his teeth. Cute? Absolutely. Also frustrating. Keshlyn (and *cough* perhaps sometimes me too) forgets and leaves the bathroom door open. Ky discovers it often throughout the day and sneaks in, grabs my toothbrush- not his- and does some fun things with it. Scrubs his teeth, the floor, the power outlets, and the toilet. That's right. I caught him red handed with my toothbrush in the toilet, splashing merrily in the water. Filled. With. Poop. And pee. Thanks Keshlyn. Gag.

Scenario 3: being a mommy is great. Really, it is. But I'm on baby three and my goods aren't gonna get any better. I've been stricken with an awful cold this past weekend. Hacking, sneezing, sore throat, runny eyes... Blah. I realized that I was feeling quite accomplished if after coughing or blowing my nose didn't cause me to pee my big girl undies. Ok. Just a dribble. But still! I feel like a granny. A coughing attack means a trip to the bathroom. I got smart after a while...I would save blowing my schnoz for when I had to go to the bathroom so that I would conveniently be on the commode for the surprise. And people wonder why I don't feel sexy or attractive... I especially don't feel it while I'm pregnant. A girl who's smokin' hot has the luxury to cough. Just cough. Alone. Not accompanied with the leaking of urine. That lucky girl.


  1. ok, you beat me with the boogie licking fiasco. but i have some pretty good ones too.

    and just a little known fact, any mom that's had more than 2 kids will most definitely piddle in her panties during a cough. just wait till 3rd trimester baby : ) i would get so mad, "all those kegels for nothing!"

    1. HAHAH! I love you Annie. I can always count on you and your mothering experience to make me feel, well, normal!